Dear Yellow Pages...

When is the last time you really used a phone book?

The 80-Ounce Beer Belly

How sad is this invention? Here are some of the selling points listed on Amazon's site for the Beer Belly:

• Polyurethane bladder looks like a beer belly when worn under clothing
• Includes bladder and adjustable neoprene sling with custom-shaped pouch
• Holds up to 80 ounces of any hot or cold beverage
• Fits users up to 6 feet 8 inches tall and up to 40-inch waist
• Easy to clean

Don't worry females! There's a version for you too! Links to these horrible inventions below.

-80 Ounce Beer Belly
-The Wine Rack

Border Closing Taken Too Far?

Does this really happen every single day at the border of India & Pakistan? The special walk make it more official? All this just to close two gates for the day?

Doritos Tablet: The Alternative to the iPad

Yummy!

Cop's 911 Call after Trying Marijuana Brownies

Watch as the news reporters get a good laugh after hearing the nonsense coming from the cop calling 911. It's uncontrollable.

Dating Fail: 911 as a Hotline?

Know when you're acting in a desperate manner from now on please...

Man Arrested For Being Naked in Own Home

How retarded is this...? You're at home minding your own business and a couple people trespass on your property, look in your house, then call to have you arrested. Does this make any sense?



...full article

Brian Regan This Friday

I'm excited to see Brian Regan this Friday night with Shannon, Ab/Charlie & friends. The old Pop Tart stand up was enough to get the name stuck in memory.

Swine Flu Advice

If you wake up looking like this, don't go to work...

The Geek Way of Rocking your Baby to Sleep

Laser-Guided Doberman Attack

Enjoy a good long laugh

Human Flypaper: Worst Anti-Burglary Device Ever

The Human Flypaper is a super sticky mat that you leave just inside your doorway when you leave home. If a burglar succeeds in breaking in via your front door, he’ll step on the thing and will likely get stuck to it.

In theory, this might sound like a good idea, but in practice, we think the device might just have the opposite effect on the thief. Just try to imagine: If YOU would get stuck to something like this and would finally free yourself after struggling with it for a while, wouldn’t you feel venting your anger on the owner’s property, wrecking everything around you?

[note: I believe an escape competition would be interesting using this crappy idea]

Sad but True T-shirt

It's pretty sad where things are going in our government(our national deficit a literal "huge" joke, along with them owning corporations and ruining healthcare); but it just might mean we are getting out of here quicker too. I'm not in control...also glad our president isn't either. So, there really isn't anything to worry about.

note: maybe before long we'll go back to trading cattle & chickens for other stuff ;-)

Bing: The Easiet Way to Google since Yahoo!

This hard hit towards Microsoft's new search engine technology is a much deserved hit. Google has ruled with its searched technology and supporting apps like Docs, Reader, Maps, etc. Enjoy the clever banter that College Humor throws constantly about why Bing is just reinventing the wheel that Google already has in place.

Alarm Clock For a Heavy Sleeper

Three Year-Old Girl Buys Earth Mover Online

A New Zealand girl toddler, Pipi Quinlan, stunned her parents by buying a full-size excavating digger on an auction website. Forgetting to log off the computer could have cost the family 20,000 New Zealand dollars ($12,200 US), The Times reported Friday.

The small girl woke up earlier than her parents, and not wanting to disturb their slumber went to play with the computer. Without any idea on what she was doing, the girl soon found New Zealand’s online auction web site Trade Me which her mother had already logged on to. After a couple of clicks on pretty pictures, little Pipi placed a top bid for a Kobelco digger.

Mum Sarah Quinlan learned about her pricy purchase when she came to the computer to check the e-mails. "I saw an e-mail from TradeMe saying I had won an auction, and another e-mail from the seller saying something like 'I think you’ll love this digger'," The Times quoted the stunned mother as saying.

That she couldn’t remember having bought anything of the kind, Sarah Quinlan assumed it was a Lego digger for her kids. But when she saw the price – 20,000 New Zealand dollars ($12,200 US) she "got the shock of her life."

She asked her husband Reid what a Kobelco was and if he had bought a digger. But the answer was negative. The only other possible variants were the kids, one of them a boy aged 18 months. The parents realized it was Pipi, who uses the computer to play toddler games.

Reid and Sarah Quinlan had a talk with their small daughter having explained how her unawareness cost her family a huge sum of money, enough to buy 20,000 ice blocks. This impressive example made the girl realize her mistake. Sarah rushed to call TradeMe and the seller to tell them that a mistake had happened and refused the purchase.

After realizing that three-year-old Pipi was smarter than her parents thought, they now keep the computer logged off and out of her reach.

Make Your Children Work for Their Keep

After the birth of a child there's always the temptation to say, "Yes, it's cute, but what can it do?" Until recently the answer was simple 'lie there an cry," but now babies can be put on the payroll, so to speak, almost as soon as they're born.
Just dress your young one in Baby Mops and set him or her down on any hard wood or tile floor that needs clearing. You may at first need to get things started by calling to the infant from across the room, but pretty soon they'll be doing it all by themselves.
There's no child exploitation involved. The kid is doing what he does best anyway, crawling. But, with Baby Mops he's also learning responsibility and a health work ethic. Laugh a little already!

Man Stabbed For Passing Wind

Waco, Texas — A man was stabbed after causing a stink, literally, in a motel room while eating with a friend, police said. Five men from the Houston area were sharing a Waco motel room Tuesday night, and two were inside the room eating when one had a flatulence problem, Waco police Officer Steve Anderson said. One man was so upset about the gas that he threw a large knife at him, cutting his leg, and then stabbed him in the chest, Anderson said.

The 35-year-old man was transported to a Waco hospital, where he was treated for what appeared to be non-life threatening injuries, Anderson said.

Jose Braule Ramirez, 33, of Houston, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arraigned Wednesday and was being held in the McLennan County Jail on $15,000 bond and placed on an immigration hold, according to jail records. He cannot be released, even if he posts bond, until authorities verify he is in the country legally.

A jail spokeswoman who declined to give her name said she was not allowed to release information on whether Ramirez had an attorney.

[ABC Note] It would probably be a good investment for the victim(stabbing, not gassed) to invest in the Under-Tec's "Under-Ease" underwear to knock out any future uncomfortable moment while company is nearby. If you are for some reason interested, you can visit the Under-Tec Website for more information. It's either that or make sure your friends leave their weapons at the door.

Gmail's April Fools - Autopilot

Expecting a new Google Labs feature for Gmail turned out to be a quick laugh. Gmail's autopilot is below:





What happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?

Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot's responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.

Man Charged with DUI on Motorized Bar Stool

Newark, NJ - Newark police say the man crashed earlier this month when he tried to make a U-turn on a city street. Neighbors heard what sounded like a lawnmower buzzing down Kelley Lane in Newark earlier this month. It turned out to be a motorized bar stool which police say a man crashed while drunk.

Kile Wygle, 28, is charged with driving a bar stool while under the influence of alcohol and driving with a suspended license. He's asked for a jury trial. Police say Wygle crashed his strange-looking contraption while trying to make a U-turn on March 4.

According to a report, Wygle told Officer Michael Trotter that his bar stool can reach speeds of 38 mph, but was only going 20 mph when he crashed. Wygle was treated for minor injuries at Licking Memorial Hospital where he joked with Trotter about drinking 15 beers before the crash. He refused the blood-alcohol test.

Ohio law prohibits anyone from operating a motorized vehicle while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The law excludes wheelchairs and mobility scooters.
[...They should not let rednecks get ahold of any spare lawnmower engines to use for recreation purposes...just my opinion]